I'm a PUPPET; and I'm SUFFOCATED

I talked to my friend the other day and here's what she said to me..

"Have you ever felt used? I dunno but lately I feel that way especially when I'm with my friends. For some reasons, when I'm with them I turn into someone esle. I just can't be myself.Maybe there are times that I actually enjoy spending time with them, but sometime I feel that I'm faking it. I smile when I don't feel like it, I laugh when I don't feel like it and all the other stuff that I don't feel like mentioning. No doubt they're my friends but there are times when I feel like my heart is burning in frustration. I hate feeling this way. I hate it because the feeling always makes me cry myself to sleep at night. I really wish I can just tell them how I feel, but it's really hard. It really is. But this feeling is torturing me. And sometimes I feel like I just want to hide myself in my room and not see anyone espiecially them. I sound like a bad person, am I? I dunno who else to tell. I really need to get this out of my chest. I really dunno what to do. I can't tell them how I feel but I'm hurting myself. I feel like I'm a puppet and I'm suffocated."

The quotation might sound a bit dramatic because I can't really rememeber the whole thing. But I think it's almost like what she said the other day.

Kinda sad when I heard it from her. Really pity her to get stuck in such situation. I really wish I can help her, but I just don't know how. I feel that, sometimes we just have to sacrifice ourselves for others.(This sucks).
Well there's only one thing I can say to you
"Continue crying yourself to sleep at night if that makes you feel better"

Gosh I really hope she doesn't read this or else she'll kill me!!

MCR's BACK TOPPING MY LIST

Okay, maybe not #1 though. Cos that spot is reserved for Evanescence. So #2 should be fine.

Don't I just love MCR. Especially after I went to their concert at Luna Park with Jaime. It was actually my first time going to a concert (if i'm not mistaken; my memory is not that good). I don't really bother to listen to their songs before the concert (or prepare myself), but after I got there and after they started to perform, I wasn't able to sing along. Okay maybe I did sing along, but only to two or three songs. Other than that, I was just humming "lalalala...hmmhmmmhmmm" the whole time. It was kinda frustrated since I know the songs but I just couldn't remember the lyrics.
The concert was great and so did Gerard. He was so cool and kinda cute. Too bad they didn't allow us to bring camera in, so we couldn't even take any photos. Outside we were hoping they would have some kinda banner or anything that have MCR name on it. But again, too bad there wasn't any. So, there was no photo of MCR or even MCR banner at all. Kinda sad.
But nah, it's okay since the performance was really good. Gosh, after the concert, I feel like listening to all their songs again. So right now I have to search for them since I left the CD at home (silly me).
N yeah, I'm so in love with Gerard Way!!
Go GERARD!!
Go MCR!!
Go BLACK PARADE!!

Give it a CHANCE; Give it a TRY

I've learnt that GIVING A NEW STUFF A CHANCE WOULDN'T HURT A BIT..

I realised that I've always tried to be different from the mainstream. I know there's nothing wrong with being part of the mainstream, but somehow I feel that I just don't want to be identified as part of the mainstream.
Just imagine, like a week or so ago I found it is weird to see Fatin cheering while watching Tennis Cup in Melbourne (I don't really know the name. Oh wait, is it Australian Open??). So, whenever I saw her in front of the TV, I was just like "ooohhh!" nodded my head and went straight back to my room. Later I realised the others were also watching the same thing. And then suddenly, I was one of them. I was just sitting in front of the TV one day and I was already cheering watching whosoever playing tennis at that time. Then I noticed I started to know the player names such as NADAL, FEDERER, etc. The names that I've never even heard before. But of course I know and supported RODDICK (to bad he lost to Federer. But it's ok tho, since Federer plays really well). Aside from the names, I also learned how they counted the points (I've never really bothered about this kinda thing before). Now I find this Australian Cup (still not sure bout the name) kinda interesting and I wouldn't mind spending my time sitting on the couch and watched them all day (ok maybe not all day. usually I only like to watch when a familiar face is playing).
So basically what I'm trying to say is that, giving things a chance wouldn't hurt. In fact, you might like it..Like me.

Talking about chance also remind me of another thing.
Remember HEART (the Indon movie). Before this, I've heard about this movie everywhere. That's not enough, I even had to listen to the OST from Pari's room (she even sang the OST in front of me). But realising that lots of people like this movie, again I refuse to give it a chance. I didn't want to listen to people talking about this movie and I even ran out of Pari's room when she sang the OST.
However, the other night, Jaime and I were watching a DVD when suddenly there was some technical problem with the DVD. So we started to listen and watch some songs and MVs in Jaime's laptop. One of the MVs was the Heart's OST. I was surprised to see the MV because it was really or totally different from what I expected.
I was like "Is this a teenage movie?". And Jaime was like "Daa..Those singers are the actors. You didn't know??". And I was like "NO way!! I thought it is the Ari Wibowo (not really sure bout the spelling) generation kinda movie.
And guess what?? Now I can't wait to watch the movie!!

I can't believe I was to stubborn back then.
See what I mean when I say
GIVING A CHANCE WOULDN'T HURT!
or maybe you couldn't really see, cos rite now all of a sudden I'm not really sure what I'm talking about..

It's A Little Bit Different For Everyone

Everythings that happened lately have made me realise how differently people live their lives. Okay, this really doesn't sound like me.

But it's just that, yesterday I had problem with my laptop and I decided to just reformat it. Though it was one of the things that I hate to do, still I have to do it since there was just some corrupted files in it that disturbed my laptop from functioning normally. But then when I reformatted the thingy, thing started to go wrong. And the thing that I scared the most finally happened. And yes, my hard drive crash. Then I started to become scared. I wanted to cry as my body started to shiver (I usually started to shiver when I get scared or really frustrated). But then I remembered something. Something that someone used to say to me.

"Allah tidak akan menguji seseorang itu dengan sesuatu ujian melainkan dia mampu untuk menghadapi ujian tersebut"

Actually it was Jaime who told me that. Don't really remember the whole things but it was something like that.

Then after recalling those magic words, I hit my forehead. I decided not to cry and I didn't shiver. I realised that "I CAN FACE THIS" "AKU MASIH MAMPU!". So, that's it. The next morning, I went to MC to look for a new hard drive or to check for the price. But i didn't buy it straight away.

Today, I went to MC again with my super heavy laptop and went straight to 'Discount In' - the computer shop. I bought the new hard drive and asked the guy there to change it for me. For a moment there, I felt like I was the one working at the shop since I told the guy how to do almost everything. I told him where to put the hard drive, how to put it adn even how to reformat the thing. Gosh, I felt like laughing, but I didn't.hehe.

Anywhere, I'm glad the laptop is working fine now. Actually I just assumed that it was the hard drive problem, but thankfully I was right.
So I guess, since I like this kinda thing (I mean computers not hard drive prob) this is one of my challenge..different people with different interest maybe facing a different thing.So basically I'm crapping..HAHAHA..I'm really not good at writing this kinda thing..shot..

Oh yeah..Our nu year (hijrah) resolution is "menyucikan hati!!!"..nak jadi org yg baik hati!! huhuhu..

What would U do if U're ME?

I'm not PERFECT, and I know that..
And I come to believe that nobody does..

I'm made tons of mistake, and I regret for doing each one of them..
Though there are some mistakes that I regret doing, but still I couldn't help but to do it over n over again..
And it makes me really sad n hate myself sometimes..

I know other people would feel the way too (hopefully)..
They make mistake n regret it..n wish to never do it again..
Sometimes they succeed n sometimes they're just not..

Well,
Some of the people who are close to me often confessed their wrongdoing to me..
And most of the time, I dunno what to do except give them a piece of my mind (tho I'm really bad at this)
I've never really come up with a good advice, ever..
The things that often came out of my mind were 'SHOT', 'WHAT WERE U THINKING?', 'R U CRAZY?', 'R U SURE?', 'WEI', 'HOW COULD U?'..etc..
See, I'm a good listener, but never a good adviser..

Gosh,
If u were me, what would u do? or what would u say?
If someone close to you tell u things that u know for sure is wrong, obviously wrong..
Things like, well I dun think I should mention the example here..
But wrong things..u know..
What would u do?
How would u feel?

I really wanted to tell those people that what they've done is BAD..like REALLY BAD
and I did and they also knew it..
But somehow I don't think its enough..n for some reason, I don't think they really understand how I feel about it..
and it makes me really SAD n MAD..
As someone close to them, I feel like I can do more..
Especially when they trusted me to keep everything as a SECRET..

'PROMISE ME U WON'T TELL ANYONE!!'
See, I just dunno what to do?
Gosh, this is really hard..

It's not like I dun want to help them..

I want to..

But I just dunno HOW..

LIFE IS NOT EASY

IT IS NEVER EASY!!