Almost...

What da..

Go to...

Who da..

Gosh those curse words almost slipped my lips when I'm told that I need to attend an Eng course in Semporna. Might not sound like a big problem. But it is to me, especially when I don't have a transport and was told to go by bus and I don't have accommodation as well since I may have to stay for a night there.

I was so freaking mad just now. So I stormed back to the staffroom slamming my books and papers on the table..Gosh..Losing temper is the last thing I wan to do in school..So I really thank God because when I almost lost it I got a message from J saying that she is 60kg..well that surely make my day..and I no longer am mad..So bring it baby..And so sorry mr.principal..

i like teaching science

I find it is much easier to teach science than english. Yes, I have to read some notes before going to class but at least I have content to teach rather than english where I have to squeeze my brain in order to come up with activities to ensure my students won't have their head on the table. Today when I taught science in form 4a, all the students were awake and were listening to everything I was saying. Except for the 3 stooges. Besides I'm happy teaching that subject. Its not like I hate teaching english. I do like it, but I hate it when I have to repeat myself a few times since the students couldn't understand me. That got me really frustrated. Hmm

I also like teaching science as I can crap all the time. Not too crappy. Just crappy examples that can make the students laugh and understand the content at the same time. Its fun cause I can laugh at the same time..Can't wait for my next science class. Oh next next please come faster..

again n again n again

A slap on my face yet again..

I'm not that stupid yet I got cheated yet so many times. I want to trust the person but he is just so very hard to trust. I think it is not possible for me to really trust him again whole-heartedly. I've been warned so I'm quite prepared for this. Besides, I've experienced this so many times that there are times I feel like this thing is expected. He will not stop doing this. So now, I do listen to his sweet talk..just listen and never take it to the heart. What's the point of believing those words when it is said to everyone else as well. Those words have lost all it worth. Cheap. Can be said to everyone so easily..

So, I'm terribly sorry..you can do whatever you want from now on. Message all the girls you want, call them, ym them, fb them and maybe meet them. I could not care less. And I will never take my revenge for lowering myself to your level is the last thing I want to do. Do whatever you want. You may think I'm an idiot but I just couldn't care less. We will never work anyway.

As of now I just want to have you as friend. Someone I can call and share my problems and maybe nag a little. Someone I can talk crap to when I couldn't talk to other people. A company. Hopefully nothing more than that.

Sorry

Diary of Jane??

If Jane can write a diary, so can I

I'm so frustrated today..and if i don't control myself hard i may end up doing things that i'll regret later (not serious stuff tho)..

No, I'm not an understanding person and don't expect me to be one.why do i have to do things your way?always?I hate you..and I hate myself for not being able to get away from you.

As of now, I really wish that we are not contacting each other.No call, no messages, no email, no nothing..That way you'll get all the rest that you need without have to listen to me complaining and nagging.Gosh

Last night I didn't feel so well so I thought you could console me.But what did I get in return "plz understand me"..Have you ever tried to understand me??Have you??Do you even know why I like to call you?

I called you because I needed company the most.It's been like that for a long time.And I thought that is something you can easily give me..But it turns out that it's the last thing that you can give me..I didn't call you to share stories..I called you because I want to talk to someone and have someone talking back at me..But you only asked me to talk..You have no idea how disappointed I was..Feels like I'm too NEEDY while you don't need me at all..

You know what, things will change from today onward..I won't be the old me whether you like it or not..If you like it you can stay..If you don't you are free to leave and find someone else..

eating ants???

we had a short meeting today and there were green peas+banana porridge for everyone..me being the usual me, the one who drolls over green peas porridge quickly got myself a bowl of that delicious looking porridge..half way eating and listening to the principal talking at the same time, the teacher next to me told me that she found many ants in her porridge..i quickly looked closely into my porridge and found a few..God knows how many of them had gone into my nice tummy..oh please don't let any..i wouldn't mind if there were just small ants..but they were huge red ants..me n arab quickly stopped eating..i couldn't even stand looking at some of the ants that i managed to find..gosh it was such a terrible experience..

the same with the 4 sc class..we were still discussing bout the 'he had such quiet eyes poem'. and it so happened that most of them didn't have much to talk about and kept waiting for me to pour info at them..lucky lately i like to crap much..so today they got all sort of crappy info and advice from me..lucky for them and me i supposed..gosh i really like to relate my teaching to real life that i think they would think that i crapped too much..sometimes the examples i gave in class sound so ridiculous..even i couldn't help myself from smirking..but of course i said it with much confidence that the students fell for it all the time..i remembered telling the form 2 students last year during geography that Merotai (a rural area in tawau) will be a town in 10 years time..some of them even told the other teacher about it that i had to explain to those teachers that i was just joking..anyway that is my way of having fun in class..

lack d creativity

just got out from the 4sc class..i was teaching them the same thing that i taught form 4a just now..we were brainstorming about playboy for the poem he had such quiet eyes..then after hearing their responses, i realised they lack the creativity as compared to 4a..i don't know why..could it be that they were just too serious to give playful answers (but some of them were quite crazy, really) or maybe they were just too little of them..there were only 14 students in that class, which was quite small number if to be compared with the 30 students in 4a..so i couldn't really blame them..

"THE BEST PROOF OF LOVE IS TRUST"

Can we trust someone so easily, unconditionally??

Busy day..

STOP PROCRASTINATING!!!

i just heard from the other teachers that the new principal is very strict..i'm just going to die at this instance..a strict person just going to put a lot of pressure to me..meaning STRESS..hopefully not cos i'm quite comfortable right now..
But still i need to finish a few things just in case he wants to check stuff especially the panel file..i'm still in the process of writing the strategic plan..i haven't even finished writing the minute..oh man..i haven't even finished writing my lesson plan for this week..now i just have to finish everything tonight or maybe this weekend..hopefully i can finish it all..

another thing is the Form 5 problem..gosh i think there's a curse with that name 'form 5'..this year students are slowing turning like the form 5 students last year..so hard to deal with..today i asked them to present the component from THE PEARL..the end product was rather a disappointment as they couldn't explain properly..but at least they tried..hopefully they will survive..i just don't know how to make them use the English frequently..i thought by asking them to make presentation they will be ok..but then it was the opposite..some were just not into presentation that they refuse to talk or talk as less as possible..I need more ideas..i really want to help them..

am i supposed to stay??

this is weird..i'm staying back at school cos i thought i'm supposed to attend the PPIM meeting..though i'm only the 3rd advisor, yet the other day they said that they need all the advisors to stay at school since there are many members..

But today suddenly at around 3..the 1st advisor asked me do i want to stay..and of course i said yes to her since i already stayed at school..but then was she saying that i actually have a choice whether to stay or not?

i'm really confused.cos to be honest i don't wanna stayback today.i rather be at home and sleeping than staring at this laptop..

gosh i really wanna go back..but it's raining so heavily that i don't think i can even step out of the school building..i don't even bring my red umbrella..shoot!

the brain specialist

Teaching science in form 4 just now..i was supposed to teach brain complexity and the endocrine system but due to time constraint, i only managed to finish the brain complexity..

there were lots of explaining and questions just now..suddenly i became like a brain specialist..typical of them..when i thought them bout reproductive system last year, they were treating me like a gynecologist..they always think that i have the answer to everything.

But then since i'm so used to them, i just gave them answers that could shut them up..but then there were questions that i really couldn't answer like "teacher, cane kepala bley benjol? cane benjol bley jadi?" now that's just beyond me. i never study that. so i just told them i dunno..somehow that shut them up too..

Anyway, i kept trying to contextualise the lesson like bringing in stephen hawking, that old superman actor, is it christopher reese? i'm not sure..but they seemed to enjoy it..though i spent the whole 40 minutes just talking and crapping..and most importantly nobody sleep..should be consider successful rite..but i need more time for science, really..1 period a week is just not enough!!

Teaching or Just Sharing Experience?

I was teaching the new poem this week 'He Had Such Quiet Eyes'. Such a straight forward poem I must say. And it shocked me a bit when the students couldn't understand it though they had read it and find the meaning of certain words that they didn't understand. So in the end I had to explain it to them in a much simpler terms. By using them as example..

Basically we spent 80 mins talking about "casanova". Listing on how they work their charms and why girls still fall for them..So weird..But they seemed to enjoy it so much especially the girls. Some boys defended themselves saying that they were once cheated by girls "playgirl"..So in the end, we concluded that Girls are often cheated by casanova who makes the girl feels needed and sweet talker. and Boys are cheated by seductive playgirl..

After the class ended, I wasn't sure whether I was teaching them or we were just talking crap the whole time..While we were discussing, one of the students did say "Teacher I think we are heading to the wrong direction" but I went ahead and told him that we were at the right track..though I was a bit unsure..But at least I think they understand the poem better now..

A WHOLE NEW BEGINNING

WILL BE UPDATED REGULARLY FROM NOW ON...

pinky promise..

to help me remember things since i tend to forget things so easily..

truly,

Hannah..